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So I'm sure you've all seen our band, Spunkmeyer, we recently embarked upon our sell out UK tour, playing at primary schools across the borough on the condition that all our songs were about about fire safety and 'stranger danger'
well actually you might have missed us seeing as we had to cancel the rest of the tour after we got to Dawley brook, due to Ducks near fatal incident with a chicken pasty and a newly painted seesaw. Anyway, were back on track now.
But we've had SO MANY people coming up to us recently and saying Katey/Tarn/Jo/Em/You over there, the one with the beard/Your Highness and then 'Look, Shitty Ditty/Malcolm/that masterpiece, it's a brilliant song, but what we all want to know is, what are the words?'
To those loyal fans I say, thankyou for asking this question, as I know its been puzzling many for a while. Anyway here we go...
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Shitty Ditty :
Coming home on the 260
I think to myself I've had a horrible time
No where will ever employ me
Walkin round Merry Hill Ive had a horrible time
* They want somebody with competance
I've got that, haven't I?
How do I get experience if no where will even let me try?
Kicking coke can in frustration
On my way to buy myself a steak and kidney pie
In a fit of desperation
I asked at the pound shop but was sent out by the guy, he said..
*chorus
Filling out an application form
I tick in the box that says 'no previous crimes'
But I won't bother to give it in
Cos I spilt ovaltine over my suitable times
*chorus
end
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'Aaaagh! The 260! It went without me!' |
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Good Morning Malcolm :
Malcolm held a bring and buy sale at the village hall
in order to raise money for a very special cause
Was it 3rd world countries? Save the whales? Guide dogs for the blind I suppose?
No it was to build up funds to buy me a new wardrobe
* Good Morning Malcolm
Donations welcome x 4
Malcolm went round asking people what they'd like to give
He collected Branflakes, Margaret Thatcher and a sieve
Donations came from Scott and Garland, Ken and Gray and Rob and Plum
Who said he'd give his T-shirt cos he just can't keep his clothes on
chorus + 'Go Malcolm!'
Now raise your glasses and cheer as I make my 'Jim-esque' dream speech. You can't hear me, I could be saying anything. I am saying anything, here's what I had for breakfast: Jam on toast and corn flakes.
chorus x 2
end
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This is not Spunkmeyer |
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Tarn's song (no names changed to protect the innocent) :
Some people in life
They piss you off:
Craig Gough
He looks like a monkey,
give him some soap,
give him a bath
So kiss his ass
No Elaine does that x 2
As for Richard Plum
we all want just a piece of him
He takes his top off
And all the girls SCREAM
For his beautiful body
So kiss his ass
No Sim does that x 2
As for gay Glen
He fancies men
Wears sleeveless shirts
should be deported
But at least he hasn't got men's legs!
So kiss his ass
No Scott does that x 2
End
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No Plum no! Put'ya clothes on! |
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